My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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