I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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