you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
