Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
