if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
