I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
