I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
