I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
