Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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