So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
