If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize