Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
