i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
