I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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