Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize