Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
