I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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