why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
