Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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