We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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