I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
