6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
