Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
