life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
