doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
