from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
