I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
