i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
