Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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