So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
