Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
