I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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