She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
