Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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