its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
