Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
