I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
