Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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