i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
