so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
