I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
