But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
