11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
