My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My ass is underappreciated
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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