I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
