my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize