my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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