I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize