just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
