Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
