I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
