I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
