you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
