My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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