never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
