Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
