I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
