is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
