apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
