I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize