her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
