My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
