I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
