Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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