Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
