Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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