saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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