Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
