Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
