he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
