I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
