please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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